quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
