DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
