i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
