Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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