fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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