too bad you live with your parents still
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize