bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
