You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
