good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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