my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
