I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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