Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
