just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
