We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
