Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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