dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
