I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
