im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
