it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
