I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
