A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
not ubering you a puppy
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
