1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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