No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
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She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He shit in the fireplace
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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