Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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