great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
