Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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