The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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