my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
