Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
