That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
