why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
