Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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