Swine flu. Run for my life!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
