She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
