I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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