Just took my morning after pill in the library
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
