yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
