Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
