I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
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It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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