you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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