I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
