yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
