i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
