I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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