We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
