when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
