If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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