dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
