i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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