The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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