you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
