you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
