forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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