Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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