so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
