I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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