First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
