Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
