I accidentally had phone sex last night
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...