i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
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Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect