Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
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ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.