I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
