You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
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The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?