I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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