Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?

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  (734): Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths? http://tfl.nu/85c1
  Replies (3) Good night (3288) Bad night (795)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"

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  (305): he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question" http://tfl.nu/300d
  Replies (11) Good night (781) Bad night (3785)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now

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  (306): We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now http://tfl.nu/pjjq
  Replies (23) Good night (3820) Bad night (745)
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  (916): View more from California

  I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting

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  (916): I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting http://tfl.nu/umsk
  Replies (18) Good night (1226) Bad night (3591)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain

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  (612): i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain http://tfl.nu/an1d
  Replies (3) Good night (3787) Bad night (939)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.

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  (647): I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life. http://tfl.nu/xuzg
  Replies (8) Good night (1203) Bad night (674)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.

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  (231): I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this. http://tfl.nu/nn25
  Replies (5) Good night (1734) Bad night (675)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow

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  (802): He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow http://tfl.nu/7xi8
  Replies (18) Good night (3188) Bad night (768)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?

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  (402): What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something? http://tfl.nu/b3em
  Replies (16) Good night (2375) Bad night (703)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.

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  (773): Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you. http://tfl.nu/9snq
  Replies (11) Good night (631) Bad night (1072)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.

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  (843): I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard. http://tfl.nu/qfqx
  Replies (15) Good night (1864) Bad night (543)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.

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  (815): It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry. http://tfl.nu/yfvq
  Replies (13) Good night (308) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm on the job.

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  (812): The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory. (503): I'm on the job. http://tfl.nu/qjws
  Replies (6) Good night (1035) Bad night (290)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic

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  (902): that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic http://tfl.nu/ua91
  Replies (2) Good night (396) Bad night (219)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.

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  (979): I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing. http://tfl.nu/72or
  Replies (0) Good night (412) Bad night (239)

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