i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
