Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.

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(619): I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe. http://tfl.nu/jto0

Replies (24) Good night (4437) Bad night (773)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

There's a dead frog in my kitchen?

(402): View more from Nebraska

Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.

(402): View more from Nebraska

The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"

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(828): There's a dead frog in my kitchen? (402): Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush. (402): The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all" http://tfl.nu/9htk

Replies (34) Good night (2196) Bad night (4760)
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(360): View more from Washington

so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy

(360): View more from Washington

man i love america

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(360): so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy (360): man i love america http://tfl.nu/mq4b

Replies (16) Good night (4998) Bad night (836)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

She brought up feelings... her days are numbered

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(704): She brought up feelings... her days are numbered http://tfl.nu/9lng

Replies (19) Good night (1870) Bad night (5424)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.

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(919): I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could. http://tfl.nu/sgrh

Replies (7) Good night (4210) Bad night (1084)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.

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(215): I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy. http://tfl.nu/orpn

Replies (16) Good night (2895) Bad night (978)
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(954): View more from Florida

I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.

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(954): I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate. http://tfl.nu/yurv

Replies (9) Good night (3860) Bad night (824)
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(714): View more from California

Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made

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(714): Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made http://tfl.nu/j4f1

Replies (7) Good night (1822) Bad night (567)
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(773): View more from Illinois

What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?

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(773): What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again? http://tfl.nu/duvn

Replies (7) Good night (2030) Bad night (769)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.

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(508): I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress. http://tfl.nu/zrup

Replies (1) Good night (803) Bad night (461)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.

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(201): Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us. http://tfl.nu/sjtk

Replies (1) Good night (540) Bad night (387)
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(313): View more from Michigan

We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.

(313): View more from Michigan

Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.

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(313): We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up. (313): Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals. http://tfl.nu/39hn

Replies (7) Good night (1552) Bad night (636)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.

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(603): If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it. http://tfl.nu/n6dm

Replies (3) Good night (543) Bad night (373)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.

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(403): I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that. http://tfl.nu/4xpt

Replies (0) Good night (677) Bad night (418)
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(720): View more from Colorado

Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??

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(720): Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room?? http://tfl.nu/pgxo

Replies (0) Good night (508) Bad night (311)

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