I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.