if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
