I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
