OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
