I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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