Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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