whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Enjoy the penises
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
