I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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