He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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