and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
