Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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