Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me