every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.