The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.