3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
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just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
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It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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